#LoveMe Challenge – do you want to know a secret?

For today’s #LoveMe Challenge, I’m supposed to share a secret. Now, for someone as emotionally closed off as me, this is one of the harder aspects of the challenge so far. I mean, I could always cop out and share a secret like “I cannot get on board with the whole kale thing”. It’s something I don’t tell people but I studiously avoid ordering kale when I’m out in public so people don’t know my little secret.

But I don’t think that’s the spirit of the assignment. I am supposed to share something that makes me love myself, right? So that leaves out anything deep and dark that would make me not love myself…

What kind of secret do I have that would foster the spirit of the #LoveMe Challenge? That I believe my cat and I have some psychic connection and she knows I’m going through a weird time? That I think I’m handling the events of the last months of 2014 pretty well? That I think despite everything life has thrown at me lately, that I’m still doing remarkably well mentally? That I daydream about chucking everything and running away to a warm beach, even though I’m going to need a vat of sunscreen? I mean, those are true statements, but not really sure about them being “secret”.

I guess my biggest secret is that, in this day and age, I don’t share much. We live in an era of oversharing, and I somehow missed that memo. Want to know a secret? I’ve never made a sex tape. Heck, I’ve never even taken a naughty photo. I don’t put my life on Facebook. I don’t really feel comfortable talking to people about what’s going on with me. I’m nearly always the friend that is a great listener, but I will admit that I’m not the friend that shares things. I’ve read that in many relationships, people get uncomfortable with a one-sided thing like that, that you’re supposed to show vulnerability with the people you care about. But vulnerability makes me anxious so do I try to show a soft underbelly side of myself and make me so uncomfortable that I get even more weirded out?

So, my big secret is that I’m using this blog to try to be a little more forthcoming about myself, my thoughts, even (shudder) my feelings. It’s likely that only few people like you will get to read these musings, but it’s a big step for me to take. Thanks for being on this journey with me…