Happy 2016

I’m a few days late in wishing y’all a Happy 2016. It was nice to relax most of the weekend. I had really needed the downtime. It’s funny when you run at 100 mph and then you just stop. It takes a little while for your mind to shut off, your muscles to relax, and your being to center.

2015 was an interesting year. Although the end of 2014 was probably more “life-altering”, 2015 was more stressful for me. You can get hit with a lot of bad news at once, and your mind says, “Can’t deal with all of this right now, let’s concentrate on one critical thing – getting this cancer thing out. We’ll worry about all the rest of the stuff later.” And that’s what 2015 was for me – worrying about everything else in my life that fell apart while coming to grips with the fact that I had been diagnosed with amelanotic nodular melanoma – something I didn’t even know existed until December 2014.

So, as I sit in the early days of 2016, I’m giving myself a gift. I spent a lot of last year trying to deal with so many things that should have broken my spirit – my health issues (not just the cancer), significant issues with my spouse, job stresses, financial issues – I mean, you name it, 2015 had it waiting for me. Don’t get me wrong, there were some beautiful moments too – ziplining on my birthday, two weeks wandering in Europe, reconnecting with a friend who is turning into my soul sister… But I am well aware that the reason why the great times seemed so great is because of the bad times.

For 2016, the gift I’m giving myself is trying to find peaceful moments every day. Even if it’s only for 5-10 minutes, I have vowed to carve out a slice of my day where I don’t do work, I don’t think about my spouse’s issues, I don’t stress about the financial situation we’re in, I don’t worry about friends who seem to disappear when you can’t always be on call to do something for them… instead, I want to give myself the gift of peace. Dreaming of gentle waves meeting a white sand beach, feeling the soft fur of my cat who has decided to snuggle, remembering silly times in college when life was simpler then (even if I wasn’t aware of it back then). Some people might call that time meditation, but all I really want is peace.

Some of you may just be starting your cancer journey and I know those days following diagnosis are a blur. And sometimes, you find yourself months later stressing about things that you may think you should have already dealt with. Be gentle with yourself. No one else is walking the same footsteps as you, even if you are lucky enough to have understanding spouses, family, or friends who try to help you on your journey.

I wish all of us a peaceful 2016…