Today for the #LoveMe Challenge, I am supposed to talk about someone who loves me. I suppose I could go with the usual suspects – mom, dad, husband (although lately I’m not too sure about that one). I am an only child so there’s not a sibling/niece/nephew action I can pull from. And because I’m fairly introverted, I don’t have this massive group of friends. And at the risk of sounding really pathetic, I’ll skip the cat (but she really does love me, especially when I give her bacon).
I really thought about the people in my life, particularly the ones who have been there for me in recent times. And one name bubbled up to the surface, even though she doesn’t know my recent medical drama. It’s not something I was going to text her…
Brenda and I met when I started working for a dot-com in San Antonio. She was born and raised in San Antonio; I had lived in Ohio and Florida before coming to Texas. She worked at the same place for pretty much her entire career; I’ve had more jobs than I can count. She had a daughter in her teens (as well as two others later in life); I will only be a mom to a cat. In short, there were many ways in which we were not similar. But in the ways in which we are similar, those are the most important. We both believe in the value of hard work, independence, the ability to stand on our own two feet and not rely on others… We clicked immediately. I often enjoyed using the connecting “bat door” between our offices to discuss work issues, where we were going to lunch, and even some personal talk.
When I decided to leave that job, telling Brenda was the hardest part. We remained friends, meeting up for lunch and sometimes, going out to dinner or heading to her house for her daughter’s birthday party. I would get a random text from her that would make me smile, knowing she had thought of me – despite the multitudes of close female friends in her life. In short, I felt loved.
Since I’ve moved to Austin, we haven’t gotten a chance to see each other. I was busy with my new job, new condo; and her younger daughters kept her running on weekends. But when my life recently went off its axis, she was and remains the only friend I confided in. I knew she wouldn’t judge me; she would just listen. And for someone like me who’s used to being the “listener”, finding a person who could do that for me was the height of friendship…and love.
Ironically, I haven’t told her about my cancer diagnosis or my excision. I thought about calling her and telling her; but it was right before the holidays and it sounds weird, but I didn’t want to make her worry about me when the holidays are stressful enough time for anyone. It seemed selfish of me. I know that as a friend, she would want to know, but I also (as a friend) wanted to reassure her that I was OK, that I was going to be OK. It seems like a conversation I should have with her in person. Austin’s only an hour or so drive (depending on the traffic on I-35) from San Antonio; and despite the fact that when I left San Antonio, I said that I was never going back – I love her enough to make that drive…