Today I had my first 3 month check-up with the dermatologist that initially biopsied the spot that would be diagnosed as melanoma. I hadn’t seen her since she shaved the spot off, so the first couple of minutes was spent talking about my excision, my healing process, my scar.
Then the “fun” began. Although it wasn’t as invasive as I was fearing, it still felt a lot more up-close-and-personal than any other previous skin checks. Because I’m paranoid, I rattled off the list of suspicious spots I had noticed since the whole melanoma journey began. I straight up admitted that more than likely, those spots were nothing – but still wanted to mention them since I really didn’t think that spot on my knee last year was anything either.
I was on the table on my back first and then had to flip over onto my stomach. I joked that it was the worst massage ever. The doctor and the nurse both laughed but there was still a weird tension in the room. You know me, I make jokes at inappropriate times and especially when I’m nervous or tense. You would have thought it was a comedy club the way I was throwing one-liners out there.
Then came the dreaded “we’re going to take these two spots off” announcement. Although I would much prefer to get something looked at now than when I think I’m out of the woods and honestly was expecting that there would be at least one of my spots to get extra scrutiny, I still got a little knot in my stomach. I got a couple of jabs with the lidocaine and a few minutes later, the doctor was putting little slices of my skin into jars.
The spots were from the opposite leg. I know the doctor is being extra cautious, just like I’m being extra paranoid. I get that it’s her job to make sure we give me bullet holes rather than let something sit there and grow malignantly. I get that I probably won’t ever have a rushed skin exam. But it still puts me in a weird waiting nervousness that I never had before waiting for a results call. The last time, I wasn’t expecting a melanoma call. And while I’m not expecting it this time either (mostly because I think the human mind has an amazing capacity for delusion), I still have a feeling that this is going to be one of the longer waiting periods I’ve ever had.