It’s already mid-December and I have no idea where this year went to. It’s funny how quickly the days and weeks fly by as you get older. If I was 7, these last few weeks before the end of the year would seem to take forever – but already I’m grappling with how I’m going to get everything done I need to get done before January 1.
But this time of year is a good time for me to reflect on how far my journey with melanoma has come. It’s coming up on 2 years since the excision, which I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around. I’m sure I’ll be writing a post on the actual day with lots of musing and blithering on about how my life is changed and all that. But today, when I think about the fact that it’s been over 700 days since I found out about my melanoma, it seems slightly unreal. Have I really had over 700 days to count my good fortune about finding it early? Have I really had over 700 days to worry that this new spot on my skin isn’t benign? Have I really had over 700 “second chances”? How can 700 days seem to be a blur but 2 days 2 years ago seem so crystal clear in my mind – the evening the doctor called with the news and the day that my parents, husband, and I loaded into the car to go to the excision?
I looked at what I wrote the beginning of 2016 and I wished for peace. Well, we certainly aren’t any closer to world peace but I think I have come a long way to granting myself a little more peace in my life. I actually started meditating at the beginning of November. I’ll be completely honest – I thought it was a little hokey and new-agey but there were so many references to the positive effects of meditation in my reading lately (mostly neuroscience stuff, if you want to know the truth) that I felt that the universe was giving me a none-to-subtle sign. So, I started with two free apps (how technologically advanced, right? Insight Timer and Sattva for those of you interested) and have been fairly consistent on carving out a spot in my hectic day to take the time for myself. And I actually think it is making me less crazed. Even if it’s a placebo effect, I’ll take it!
And maybe that’s what I really needed, time to kind of step away from everything else and just take 20 minutes (give or take) just to pay attention to how I’m breathing. I can’t say that it’s done anything to alleviate the whole “how is my entire life rushing past me in a blur of days?” thing, but at least I’m carving out some time in the day to be present during those days 🙂