I’ve been a little quiet over the past few weeks for a variety of reasons. One, my dad’s birthday was about two weeks ago and frankly, I wasn’t sure how I was going to react. As I expected, I really missed calling him and wishing him a happy birthday and I know that my mom had it even worse than I did on that day. I won’t belabor the point that grief really sucks…
The other reason why I’ve been so quiet is I have been suffering from migraines for pretty much the past three weeks. Back in my teenaged years, I basically lived with a migraine for five years and I forgot exactly how debilitating they are. At first, I thought it was maybe due to the wildly fluctuating weather we’ve been having here in Austin. And while pogoing between 80s and 30s usually really messes with my head, I don’t normally have headaches lasting quite this long from weather-related triggers.
So I’m lying on the couch, whimpering quietly to myself when my hubby comes over and does the usual “we gotta get you fixed up” speech that he likes to deliver about conditions I have little control over right that second. Does he bust that out if I’ve cut myself and bleeding all over the kitchen? No, he runs away screaming at the sight of blood and I’m left to clean and bandage myself. But if I’m in the throes of a migraine, he likes to pretend that I secretly like my migraines or something and refuse to do anything to get rid of them, despite taking fistfuls of Excedrin Migraine and eventually breaking down to take an Imitrex (that my insurance refuses to cover because they apparently think all migraine medication is made equal and therefore, I have to be extremely desperate to take a $45 pill). So if I end up on the news someday for stabbing him with our incredibly dull kitchen shears, you know why.
Anyway, we’re doing the “when did this start” game where I try to think rationally in spite of it feeling like someone is stabbing me in the eye with an ice pick while simultaneously rapping on my skull with a ball peen hammer. And then I realized that it started right after my dermatologist’s appointment…where she gave me some medication to try to knock down my psoriasis that is currently raging out of control. Because of my “not quite to five years cancer-free” status, she can’t give me the usual stuff you see advertised because it reduces your immune system. And obviously I’m already really ambivalent about starting anything to reduce my ability to fight off cancer anyway (and if you don’t know my feelings on why the immune system can be so awesome, you really need to pay more attention when you’re reading my blog); so I thought I was just going to have to suffer with my psoriasis. But then she’s like, hey there’s this pill you take twice a day and it doesn’t impact your immune system, want to try it? And because I haven’t been able to wear black in 20 years without it looking like I have the world’s worst case of dandruff, I agreed.
Turns out that I should have read the little insert that came with the pills the very first day. The only side effect she mentioned was “stomach upset” and seeing as how my digestive system never works right anyway, I was completely unfazed by that. But come to find out, the main side effect is, wait for it…headaches. Seriously… Going down the list of potential side effects I found myself nodding my head in agreement with every single one of the potential side effects, except for the weight loss one because even food poisoning doesn’t help me lose weight (seriously, I gained two pounds after throwing up water for three days… I can’t make this up).
And the upshot is, I’ve been taking this for almost three weeks and my psoriasis hasn’t magically disappeared yet either. So the doctor’s office is like, can you complete a few months and see if the headaches go away because this stuff doesn’t really start working until about two months in… sigh, so I either decide that I live with an ever-present migraine but hopefully at some point not walk around with a blizzard tiny scraps of my scalp settling onto my neck and shoulders or chuck the pills in the trash and deal with an outbreak that feels like scabies has taken over every patch of my skin.
My friends are like, can’t you try anything else? Oh, you know I’ve only been living with this for over 20 years, no it never crossed my mind to do anything else except give myself the biggest headache I’ve ever had. Gee, why didn’t I try anything else in two decades (that’s sarcasm for those of you that can’t hear me saying that out loud)? Honestly, the only thing that actually worked is salt water and sunshine. One of which is scarce in central Texas and the other may try to kill me if I get too much of it.