My Midlife Crisis Concert Tour – Day Three

Currently sitting in a hotel just south of Jacksonville and since I finally got done doing a super-critical, last-minute work document, I figured I would recap my last couple of days in Florida for what I’m billing as my midlife crisis concert tour – for no other reason than I have the laptop fired up and I need to create something fun and lighthearted rather than the business-y thing I just spent hours drafting.

Backing up to Day One, I flew into Orlando, which is an easy and usually inexpensive flight from Austin. The other bonus about flying into Orlando is that every single rental car agency licensed to do business in the United States has an outlet in Orlando, which makes renting a car usually inexpensive as well. So, hence how I ended up with a Mercedes (skip back a post if you’re confused why I just randomly blurted that out)…

After I picked up my sweet-ass car, I immediately started driving to the Clearwater area even though I didn’t need to be there until the next evening. I figured with the way my luck had been lately, it might be a wiser option to not worry about getting stuck in traffic the night of the concert (because if I missed that first concert, I’d have been screaming like that scene in Princess Bride when Westley was getting his life sucked out of him and everyone in the kingdom heard it). As usual, I somehow managed to hit the worst possible traffic on the way there just outside of Orlando; but I somehow did not turn into a raging lunatic spouting every conceivable swear word I know (which usually is a given when I’m behind the wheel). I sang loudly along with the radio, the freaking radio. What a novelty since I don’t think I’ve listened to music that wasn’t on Spotify in a year or so… And when I checked into my hotel that evening, I discovered that I had been upgraded to a 2-bedroom suite which caused a small crisis as I tried to figure out which bed was more comfy…

The next day, I had a late check-out so I could get some work done. I mean, I still have to be functioning productive member of society while I’m off gallivanting… My next hotel was actually on Clearwater Beach so I drove up over the causeway and onto the island. (Do not ask why I stayed the night in Clearwater the night before the concert and then made myself drive further from the theater the night of the show…I’m still trying to figure out what the heck I was thinking…) Sadly, I did not get a massively oversized suite. Once I was checked in, I had my work meeting that I was telling y’all about last post and then I threw on my shoes and made a beeline to the beach. It was so nice and relaxing to walk on the sand and just space out for a little bit. And then I headed back to the hotel to get ready for the concert!

The Capitol Theater is this old-school, art-deco theater in downtown Clearwater. It’s reasonably cozy and my seat was off to the side of the stage, 2nd row back. No joke, it was so close to the stage, it reminded me of the seats I had for the high school talent show in 11th grade when I made my friends sit super close to the stage so I could ogle Kris when he played guitar for his band that was performing that night (I guess you probably didn’t need that detail but it was the only way I could explain what being in that theater in that seat felt like). Although the women in front of me had a friend that kept trying to bring herself and random others to crowd their row, the usher finally bounced her out so I could see around all of them. I had a blast singing and dancing and  wondering about the dude next to me who was dancing on his wife like he was auditioning for the next installment of Magic Mike. I mean, his hip thrusts weren’t even timed to the music (although if he did manage that to Adam Ant’s music, he would have looked like a jack rabbit for most of the evening)… I digress, it was a great show even though the mic kept giving Adam some crazy feedback for half the night. I even managed to remember to take a few photos during the performance!

Adam Ant, Clearwater, January 31, 2018

As usual after I’ve seen live music, it took me waaaayyyy too long to wind down and go to sleep. And when I did finally fall asleep, I had the weirdest dreams. It must have been the proximity to the headquarters of a very large organization that did it. I woke up, jumped on some work calls for most of the morning and finally checked out around 1pm. I really wanted to get through Orlando before rush hour and give myself the chance to get to Jacksonville at a reasonable hour. However, Orlando, you need to get your shit together… what the hell were you thinking by basically having every single mile of I-4 within the boundaries of the city under construction at once? I couldn’t even dance along to Staying Alive because I had to firmly grip the wheel with both hands to run the slalom course of road works.

I also discovered that when I am in the car by myself I will pretty much sing along to everything I remotely know the words to, except when I’m in heavy traffic in a construction zone. And except anything by Heart… well, that’s not true because I did sing the chorus to Barracuda but amateurs should never try to imitate the Wilson sisters anyway. Even Mariah Carey I will attempt. I do not succeed, but I do attempt and I’m sure there are dogs in the Winter Park area that really wish I hadn’t. (Funny thing I also discovered today is that there is a Mariah Carey song with ODB guesting on it… How have I never heard this before? I couldn’t rap along with Old Dirty Bastard because I had no idea this collab even existed but I am dying to learn the words now…) I’m slightly worried I shredded my voice on the ride here and I have to be careful about overusing it on the car ride to my next hotel before I go to the show tomorrow night. I don’t want to  completely destroy it before the end of the weekend. (That’s what Saturday’s show is for!)

One of the things I love about Florida besides the beaches and the palm trees is the fact that for the most part, the police have no intention for pulling you over for speeding unless you are going Mach 1. I was in the middle lane of I-95 cruising along at 80mph when I got passed on both sides – a cop car in the left lane and some big-ass pickup truck in the right. Note that the speed limit is posted at 70mph. The cop didn’t even glance over.

So anyway, now I’m sitting here thinking I should probably go to bed and get what will likely be the last night of good sleep on this trip – but I can’t because there is a soap opera unfolding on the other side of my hotel room wall. I can clearly hear every single word the old dude next door is yelling into his phone (for reference to my future self, do not ever stay at this hotel again since the walls are apparently made of cardboard and the club level lounge still charges you for alcohol). I feel like I should slip a note under the door and tell him that his tone of voice is not going to engender the woman on the other end of the line to open up and share her feelings and besides, he would need to pause every now and then or she won’t be able to even get a word in edgewise…And I don’t know who Mike is, but this dude just called you a motherf-er…Actually, this is hilariously entertaining even though I’m a horrible person for finding amusement from this…

Anyway, hope you enjoyed my ramblings as much as I enjoyed recounting them. And I’m sure I will provide more color commentary from my trip…stay tuned